Out First Zero Spending Challenge! Week 1

So my husband and I have taken on a 31 day zero spending challenge... what this means is exactly as the name implies- we are trying to spend NOTHING, ZIP, ZERO for the next thirty days! I thought this challenge would help us reach our goals more easily by realizing HOW MUCH we can do without! In an effort to be more frugal and finally get the down payment for our dream home, we've undertaken some AMAZING changes this year. Here's the shakedown. Since January 1st we have:

1. cut off my cell phone, saving $60 a month. Now hear me out... I know you're thinking this sounds crazy and extreme, but I'm HAPPY. I chose this VOLUNTARILY! Here's the thing. We have a landline, hubby has a cell, I can WALK to work if my car breaks down, I never go far away without him, but if I DO go out of town shopping alone, I take his cell. I haven't had a phone since the first week of January and I don't miss it ONE BIT. I'm happier and more productive this way. I have more time to myself. I don't feel like people will ask me to overextend myself as much. I don't know why people are more hesitant to cell the house phone and leave a voicemail, vs sending me a quick text asking for the moon. Anyway, I don't expect you to be this extreme, but I'm lovin life off the grid.

2. HUBBY QUIT SMOKING! He hasn't bought/had a cigarette in TWO MONTHS! We save $6-7 every three days on this habit! I'm SO PROUD OF HIM! This is just as big as me giving up my cell!

3. I QUIT SHOPPING for non-essential items. This means, I've vowed not to buy any clothing, shoes, accessories, makeup, etc. UNLESS something wears down threadbare, like my favorite jeans or my can't live without black boots. However, since implementing this challenge, I've discovered how CLEVER my brain is at convincing me that things like new furniture and fancy kitchen gadgets are ESSENTIALS. I'm trying to cut this kind of spending out, too... bringing us to the 4th challenge....

4. 31 days of ZERO SPENDING. I mean, no date nights out, no dining out at ALL, not a scrap of fast food or convenience store garb, I mean NO STARBUCKS, no kindle books or google play downloads, I mean no stops for dollar store candy or even grocery shopping unless its milk, bread, eggs, meat, cheese or produce. NADA. We haves a pretty decent stockpile from my (mis)adventures in couponing and I've taken this challenge on so that we can eat from our pantry for a few weeks, at least!! Obviously, our bills are set on auto-draft and we have to buy gas and prescriptions and other essential things. The saving grace is that we each get a crisp twenty dollar bill for the month, when we just can't stand it any longer. Let's see how long we last!! Other than that, our accounts have been frozen!!


So here's the recap: WEEK 1

Sheena's spending: $11.63 cents - I had this trip planned already, so I had to justify spending most of my "fun money" on this one purchase. I had two $10 rewards coupons for one of my favorite stores and I wanted to combine that discount with the president's day weekend sale, in order to score some great deals on items I will need for our upcoming vacation at the end of April. Here's what I got: Sperry top sider "Laguna leather" shoes in white. Retail price, 90.00, price after discount, 18.93 price after coupon - 8.93. NO JOKE. I got a $90 pair of boat shoes to wear on vacation for more than 90% off!!!! My next purchase was 1 sun dress and 2 flowy blouses retail total: about $150 my price, 2.70 for ALL THREE after my ten dollar off reward coupon! I'd been waiting for this sale for almost a month. I easily justified it, because now I won't feel like I have to buy anything for vacation (er... that's my story and I'm sticking to it.) Lucky for me, I haven't been tempted to spend a penny since.

Allen's spending: $3.47 - the story here is not at all long or involved. Allen wanted a starbucks and he had it. :)

Groceries: Bread, lunch meat, cheese and cokes - $19.47

Gas: Both cars, $30.00

What helped us not spend: MENU PLANNING!! I've been experimenting with freezer cooking, crock pot cooking and weekly prep cooking and menu planning, in order to save both time and money, while allowing us to eat home cooked, healthy meals. I'm loving it. (I do NOT miss fast food!!) I was a total fast food junky and I can't believe how much we used to BUDGET for dining out (at least $50/month WTF?!?)

Not going out anywhere: I used to joke by saying, "every time I leave the house it cost us at least $XX.XX" So, I CUT IT OUT. I may go to the park for a walk or back and forth to work, but I've cut out the entire, "I'm bored, I'm just gonna run to the dollar tree and get some new craft supplies...." or, "We don't really need it, but I'm bored and there's a great sale on candy at CVS this week." I know this sounds extreme, but I don't feel deprived. The daily walks keep me happy and my job provides MORE than enough social interaction (emphasis on the MORE part...) We also used to go to "town" for dinner once a week, which cost about TEN bucks in gas on TOP of the cost of the meal. (We live in a real rural place, ya'll... if we wanna go to a real grocery store or dine-in restaurant, we have to go to "town" about 25 miles away!!!)

There's our tips, tricks and weekly weight-in. I hope our frugal endeavors can inspire some of you, the way I have been inspired by other bloggers. Love and such. X -S

One about Women's Roles in Business and Society....

As young girls, we learn our behaviors from the women who surround us. I was raised by two women with very different points of view. My mother and my aunt shared almost equally in my upbringing and if I could be anything like either of them, it would be more than I have earned in this life. My mother was a saint and would never say anything negative about anyone, even if it needed saying. My aunt, on the other hand, she opened her mouth and the truth, whether ugly or kind would come rushing out. She didn't mean it in a hurtful way, I would always tell myself. Sometimes the truth needs to be said. Then, I ask myself, to what degree should the truth be given to our young girls?

The thing about my mother's point of view is that her opinion was never heard, out of fear of causing offense. She would tell me confrontation was unladylike, even if my heart was screaming out for validation. I felt her heart must want the same validation, somewhere deep inside. Didn't she ever want to spit out the ugly, unflattering truth? Her biggest fear in life was that someone, ANYONE may not like her. She never met a stranger. The number of people at her funeral violated the building's fire code. The staff had to ask people to stand outside. She never had an enemy. Not one. She never caused offense. She was never heard. I watched her get trampled on by people whose intentions were unkind. She was passed over time and again for promotions at work because she wouldn't speak up. My father and I watched her, knowing she felt helpless when people took advantage of her kind heart. I did not want to be a doormat like my mother. I always saw her as a sweet, lovely, beautiful soul of a doormat.

Then, there was my aunt. She seized life and success by the throat with a vigor and diligence that I will likely never find. She was equally beautiful, with an equally kind heart as my mother's, but she was never afraid of the truth. She was never afraid of the offense it could cause. If something needed to be said, my mom would call my aunt and it would be said. In fact, most of the times that my mother would confront me about my bad behavior (there weren't many occasions because I was a mostly good and terribly precocious child) she would do so through my aunt. She would call Mimi, vent to her and then auntie would get me whipped into shape. Sure, my aunt had a few enemies. There was this one lady at work she would've loved to string up by the toes..... She burned a few bridges, she said some ugly, unflattering truths.... she was probably called a few choice names, but she was also surrounded by people who loved and respected her. Her funeral was also packed to capacity. She fought tooth and nail for her success and she craved the respect she worked so hard to earn. I respected her. I also respected my mother, but in a different way. I respected her martyrdom…. I just don’t know whose footsteps to follow?

I’ve spent most of my life playing my mother’s card. I was quiet and reserved. I harbored a lot of anxiety. I wanted success, but I was afraid of the men and (especially the) women who stood between me and the success I sought. So instead of acting on my desires, I sat quietly for fear of being disliked. However, unlike my mother I was an introvert. I did not have a host of friends to occupy my time. I was mostly terrified of people. I would rather keep to myself. Just like my mother, I had so much unrealized potential. I wanted so much but I was terrified of the struggle it would take to achieve it. My mother spent her entire life in the same limbo. She was too afraid of being disliked to fight for the things she wanted. As I grew older and both my mother and my aunt were diagnosed with terminal cancer, I began to see things differently. I began to find my voice.

 With trembling hands and quivering lips, I began to tell people how I felt. However, I didn’t know how to use my voice. I felt too much anger and fear to use my voice effectively. Still, it felt good to be finally heard. At first, I felt vindicated beyond my wildest dreams. I sought out people who had wronged me in high school to tell them how they had made me feel like dirt and I had never told them off and then proceeded to insult them in every vicious way I could imagine.  I wrote a letter to the doctor who had for four years continuously misdiagnosed my mother’s illness and called him every name in the book. I went off on people I shouldn’t have. I got out of control. I became a stark-raving-mad B-I-T-C-H. I sunk even further into seclusion. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I just wanted every person who had ever hurt me to finally hear what I had wanted to say them. The words had been burning inside of me for so long I became consumed by my own fire.

I remember my aunt saying once to someone who needed a good talking to, “You think I’m a bitch for saying this, don’t you? Well guess what, sometimes it feels good to be a bitch.” I think what she meant was that, sometimes, it felt good to have her opinion validated. It felt good to be heard. It felt good to vocalize her grievances. Sadly, life took these two women away from me before my training as a woman was complete. I lost them both in the same year. My burning question in life, since these two women have been taken from me has become this: to be a beloved door mat, or a “bitch” fighting for success? This question has led me to many other questions and they all seem to involve the gender roles we place upon our daughters. Why must it be one or the other? Why a doormat or a bitch? It seems that if a man is assertive, he is considered effective and is respected. He is regarded as having vigor and often rewarded with success. If a woman acts in the same assertive manner, she is not regarded for her zealousness; she’s labeled a “bitch.”  

I think the truth is that society was unfair to both of these women. My mother shouldn’t have had to feel like she had to say yes to everything and sacrifice herself in order to be well liked. My aunt also shouldn’t have had to have been labeled a bitch just to find validation, respect and success. I shouldn’t have had to have spent so many years stuffing down emotions that I exploded on the entire world around me. Where can women find middle ground? How can we communicate our emotions effectively and feel our opinions are validated without fear of being labeled a bitch? Why has society taught us that confrontation is unladylike, being assertive makes you a bitch, and voicing your opinion will make you unpopular? At what point, in our roles in society and business, can we put aside these labels and just be people? Will my daughter have to worry that in order to gain success she must fight tooth and nail, see other women as enemies and play up to the gender roles presented to her? I don’t want that for my children and I don’t want that for myself.

So, my dear women and girls, I’m begging you all to stop for a moment. I’m asking you to examine yourself. Have you let society mold you into either a doormat or a bitch? Do you apologize for every word you say? Do you even say them at all? If you are brave enough to use your voice do you use your it for good or for evil?

One on Student Loans

I've decided to veer a bit from the path I've been on in the last few posts, regarding my personal money story. I'd like to change the subject for just a minute to talk about student loans. I am sure that student loans serve their purpose in many instances, but for my family, student loans have been a nightmare. My brother and I were raised by soft 90's parents, who told us that we were beautiful and special and intelligent and deserving of everything in the world.... and we grew up believing this. I'm not faulting my parents. They had this mentality that because they had not gone to college, that by brother and I would, at any cost. However, if they had forced us to take a more pragmatic approach to our educations, we could have avoided a lot of woes later in life. Although my parents could not have known that "following our dreams" would land us in financial trouble, perhaps I can make someone else understand the dangers of student loans.

By the time my older brother began college, my parents had fostered our pipe-dreams to the point that he signed his life away to a fancy art school to the tune of about 25K per year for almost five years. You are reading this correctly, my brother graduated from art school with roughly six-digits of student debt. I muddled my way through college, not knowing what I wanted to do, uncertain what path to follow. Because my aunt desired that I attend her expensive alma mater, I found myself barely a sophomore and already nearly 15k in debt myself. This debt was even after federal pell assistance AND a scholarship. Then, came disaster. My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. My brother was defaulting on all of his student loans and the bills began pouring in..... to my parents house, because my brother wasn't paying. For whatever reason, my father did not sit down my brother to explain to him what a burden the student loans were. Instead, my father began to pay my brother's student loans for him. The monthly payment to Sallie Mae was my parents third largest monthly expense, outside of rent and my mother's cancer treatments.

They paid more in student loan bills than they spent each month on food, because they couldn't tell my brother he was burdening them. I remember one time, I had lunch with him, to try and explain to him that his bills were burdening mom and dad. Perhaps I didn't articulate myself effectively, because my brother replied that he felt my father wanted to pay for his college and had been unable to do so at the time when the loans were drawn up, and now this was dad's way of getting to pay for his college education. I shrugged and asked then, why weren't they also paying my student loans? Why was I writing a check to Sallie Mae myself every month, if mom and dad wanted so badly to pay for our educations? It turns out he had several separate loans. One paid by my father and mother, one paid by his biological mother and one or two that he "paid" (defaulted) I roughly added the sums in my head and my guess is that between the three families, we were all paying a combined total of about 800-1,000 per month for an art degree. I used my brother as a shining example of how NOT to college.

I moved home to stay with my mom and quit attending the expensive university (it was actually a relief because I resented the school by this point) and vowed never to take another student loan. I also started making payments on the interest of my student loans, so the number wouldn't continue to get larger. I enrolled at community college part time during my mother's illness and paid for it myself. Every month, in addition to paying Sallie Mae, I wrote a check to Snead State Community College for 113.00 to cover my books and tuition. I was really proud of myself. I worked hard and raised my GPA while there. Sadly, my mother didn't live to see me graduate from junior college or proudly accept my full ride scholarship to Athens State University. So, here I am.... 27 years old, finally a senior in college. My path has been arduous but I feel it will be amply rewarding. I've been studying acquisition and contract management and I'm excited to graduate this upcoming fall. My scholarship and pell grants have paid for every penny of my tuition at Athens. I've been paying down my student loans while attending school and have almost paid off all the interest I accrued of the 8+ years I spent in deferment.

So what have I learned about student loans? A few things.... first, CONSIDER the risks and TAKE LOANS WISELY. I have a friend whose nephew is about to go to full sail university to study music production to the tune of 40k a year... I see my brother's future for him and it scares me. I feel like, if you're not going to be a doctor, nurse, lawyer, dentist, medical professional, or going for some other type of professional degree with a promising job market.... it's probably a bad idea to take on a lot of student debt. What are you going to do with that liberal art degree when you graduate with 100,000+ in student debt? Secondly, I feel like deferment is kind of a cop-out. Pay something, ANYTHING, while you're in school or the scary interest monster will haunt you in your sleep when you finally graduate. Finally, I feel like perhaps college is something we need to approach more pragmatically. If I hadn't been urged to go to a school that I knew I couldn't afford, because it was "prestigious" then I wouldn't be in this situation I'm in, now. I am infinitely more proud of the degree that I will earn with my diligent and earnest efforts than I would have been of the liberal arts degree financed by Sallie Mae. However, this is simply my personal story and opinion. Your experience with student loans may differ. In my opinion, the less student debt you can get away with, the better off you'll be when you do graduate.